- Always look people in the eye, even if they’re blind. Just say: I’m looking at you in the eye.
- If you get pulled over for speeding, tell the policeman your spouse has diarrhea.
- The most amazing things that can happen to a human being will happen to you if you just lower your expectations.
- Dance until your feet hurt, sing until your lungs hurt, act until your William Hurt.
- If you’re ever feeling lonely just eat in front of the mirror.
- Never be afraid to reach for the stars because even if you fall you’ll always be wearing a parent shoot (TM).
- Marry someone who looks sexy while disappointed.
- Older black ladies make the best iced tea.
- Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.
- You can tell a lot about a person from his biography.
- Watch a sunrise at least once a day.
- If you love something, set it free. Unless it’s a tiger.
- When life gives you lemonade make lemons. Life will be all like: what?